Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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