Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
