Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
