She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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