i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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