One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize