This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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