if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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