Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
