he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think a kid would responsible me up
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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