She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
ok first of all what the fuck
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
