I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
either way he was missing a nipple.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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