What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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