I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
