Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
