you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i need some magic done to my vagina
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
