so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize