I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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