FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
