Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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