I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
