I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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