At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
