So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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