I'm jealous of your bromance
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my poor anus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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