I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
