I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
