clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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