I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize