Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
