I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
