We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
