please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
