my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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