he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
