I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
