No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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