im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
