After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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