I want to have your abortion
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
