the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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