I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
