i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
