So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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