He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
