drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still have a little drunk in my system
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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