Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
