Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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