All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your cock deserves a montage
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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