I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
