The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
