Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do herpes really smell.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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