shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
