am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is Oprah even human
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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