i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
