When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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