i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
