she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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