I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
