god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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