Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
