Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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