His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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