Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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