I cut my penus on the lid.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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