Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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