I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
