The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
