There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
