Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize