She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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