I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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