What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
