i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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