also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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