he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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