shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she smelled like a LAN party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
