I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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