I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
