so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
