God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
