Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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