i just google imaged poop.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
