Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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