Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
