I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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