some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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