also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You ruined the universe
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
